I'm not entirely sure if any one still reads my Livejournal but this is the last place I can think to promote my website.

It's called The Lunch Room and the address is thelunchroom.net. I have a podcast there and a webcomic called A Theatre Near You. The podcast is called The Lunch Table and can also be found on iTunes under the same name.

You can contact us via:

Twitter: thelunchroom
Email: Lunchfansatgmaildotcom

Hope you all check out what we've been working on and I hope you enjoy it if you do.

This is tough. Sorta. See recently, in an effort to stave off boredom at work, I re-read all my old LJ entries. It was interesting to see how I was, and to revisit old feelings. The one thing I JUST realized though is that 90% of my entries were me bitching, and the other 10% was random video game or movie news. It doesn’t necessarily make me sad to think about that fact. No, I’d say it makes me happy. My second to last entry was in October, about 7 months ago, give or take a week. I think the reason for that is that nothings been really wrong since then, and things weren’t bad when I wrote that entry either. I guess its kind of like being in a relationship, you really only tell your friends about the bad things that happen and you keep the good things to yourself, and then they wonder why you are in the relationship. I think it has more to do with trying to explain your happiness. It’s almost like trying to explain it would some how diminish how happy it made you cause you could never describe it to its fullest.

I’m happy right now, probably happier than I have been in a LONG time. Its been more than 2 years since I’ve been this happy. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been happy... playing Exalted with John and Jason, Coaching Hockey, Playing Rock Band, having dinner with my family, playing CoD 4 with Andy, Danner, Rob and Jason, going to dinner/breakfast with Rob, going to Grand Rapids with friends for dinner, and lets not forget last summer, I was happy then too. So when I say I am happier now than I have ever been I want you to understand HOW happy I am.

I’m border line crying right now thinking about how happy I am, well my eyes are watering up at least. I feel like a ballon thats about to burst, and when/if it does, I know I’ll cry, and it won’t be the same crying as when Billie left me, or when I almost got kicked out of my townhouse in Grand Rapids, no it’ll be tears of immense joy. If some one had told me in January or hell, any time in the last 2 years that I would feel this way right now, I would have returned their comment with a cynical “yea right”.

In 2006 I wrote and entry about doing my own thing, about finding myself, and doing what I wanted to do for a change, let others be damned. I even went so far as to say I wasn’t going to bend over backwards for anyone, but I also said that inevitably there would be a girl that could get me to change, that there would be a girl that I would bend over backwards for, yes there’s a girl in this story, to say I would bend over backwards for this girl maybe the greatest understatement of my affections for this girl. It doesn’t help that she is the first girl I have met in the over 2 years, and by met I mean spent more than a couple minutes with and actually had meaningful conversation. And it doesn’t help that she is the first girl I have met since I took a time out to find myself. It doesn’t help that I have the means to support myself and a relationship. And it certainly doesn’t help that everyone that has met her has liked her. When I say it certainly doesn’t help, I’m not filing complaints, I’m saying to doesn’t help me to be away from her for ANY stretch of time. When I am with her I feel calm and relaxed, I’m not worried about money, or how I’m going to get some where or whether she’s having a good enough time (ok, I still worry about that a little), but not as much as I used to. I am just with her.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time talking about her, but I am going to spend some time talking about how she makes me feel.

I said earlier that there would be one girl that could make me change. She hasn’t made me change, she’s certainly made me want to change though. And while shes never asked me to do anything for her, shes gotten everything shes ever hinted at in a conversation with me. Not because I felt I had to, but because for the first time ever, I could. I feel a lot like the old me, in relationships, around her. I’m paying attention to her (almost too much I think), I’m remembering everything, and I’m living up to my promises, and none of it is cause I feel I need to, only cause I want to.

In return I get to spend my time with what I can only deem is God’s greatest achievement to date. I can see how one could construe this to be an overkill description, but in my eyes, and those are the only ones that matter here, it isn’t. I hang on her every word as if each one is giving me the water I so badly need to live. And being in her presence takes me to place I can not even begin to describe, and it makes it all the harder when we have to part, I literally feel as though I am leaving Heaven.

We spend more days together as the weeks pass by, and more time together on those days as they go by. I’ve tried to find the faults in her, I’ve tried to find the annoyances in her, I’ve tried to find reasons to NOT be with her, to remain resolute in my singleness, but any faults, annoyances, or reasons that I HAVE found, are new relationship quirks, and everyday they are becoming less and less of an issue (not that they were in any way shape or form). Almost like cutting diamond, every relationship has its faucets and no diamond is ever 100% pure, but if you asked me right now I’d say it was pretty damn close, and I know this diamond can only shine brighter.

One of the reasons I’ve felt like writing any of this is cause recently she made me feel wanted, EXTREMELY wanted, and mostly by using a trick out of my book, and something I told her early on... you have to make time for the important things, if you can’t do that than how important can they be. Shes made a lot of time for me lately, and I am extremely great-full for it. She came over this past Monday before she went to class, and again on Tuesday when she said she was busy, and again last night after she got out of work. Some times she’s around for only 30 minutes, and other times shes around for 8 hours, but the amount of time spent is no where near proportionate to the quality of time we spend together. When she came over on Tuesday I was generally excited to see her, so much so that I was trying to hug her while she was taking her shoes off, I just couldn’t help myself, I literally latched on to her the second she got in the door. She came over as a surprise for me, and she said had I not been there she would have gone to my parents to find me, that thought alone has totally made all the difference in the world, I mean short of stamping one down how much more wanted could one feel?

I have to take a break and admit that none of this is coming out as smoothly as I wanted it too, but I am still trying. I don’t think I can move on with out at least talking about how I feel about her in some way, so I’ll start with my favorite physical feature about her and move on from there.

She has these eyes that are as dark an endless as space. As if God himself bottled space, stars and all, and gave them to her to see the world though. If I look long enough I start to get lost, and feel as though I may never come back, and I wouldn’t want to. I could live happily a drift in her eyes.

I’ve recently taken to calling us the sun and the moon, mainly cause she has this smile that can burn through just about anything bothering me, and when she does her face lights up so brightly that if it weren’t for her eyes, I’d be blinded. I on the other hand am the moon, but that should have been obvious to any one who knows me.

If her words are my water supply, then her voice is the oxygen that I need to breathe. Its so soft and passionate it relaxes me almost instantaneously.

These things together leave me with this incredible sense to relaxation. Like finishing a puzzle, or the way you feel after getting caught in a summer rain.

She says I take her breathe away, and I believe her cause I can hear it when I take it, but she literally steals mine and then floors me, at least once if not twice a day. It’s hard to describe the way I feel when I am around her, but when her and I are apart I get to think about what she means to me, and how I feel about her. One would think this time would be use to calm ones self and figure out what’s real, but then I realize it was all real, none of it is over exaggerated or said just for the sake of making her or I feel special and my heart starts to slow, and my chest tighten, my legs go numb and my stomach starts to twist its self and every thought in my mind ceases to exist and all I am left with in my little corner of the world are thoughts her, thoughts of us.

Thoughts of her eyes on me, her smiling at me, and her voice soothing me, telling me she loves me.

Thoughts of her and I lying in bed holding each other close for hours at a time soaking each other up, protecting each other from the reality thats screaming at us right outside the window.

Thoughts of her and I having dinner, and maybe one day a meal prepared by myself with candles.

Thoughts of taking long drives with her hand in mine tucked up nice an close to her heart.

Thoughts of sitting on a pier watching the sun set as she shivers and I pull us closer to keep warm.

Thoughts of waking up next to some one that beautiful and not wanting to move for fear of disturbing her.

Thoughts of the next time I’ll be able to kiss your lips, your cheek, your shoulder, your hands, your chest.

Thoughts of our next linger kiss.

Thoughts of you crying in my arms only to pull away laughing with tears in your eyes cause I said something stupid.

Thoughts of ways to take your breathe away the next time I see you.

Thoughts of how much happier I can be, and at this moment, I don’t believe it to be possible, but by the time the day is over, I know I will be.

Thoughts of the next time I’ll be able to tell you I love.

Thoughts of what we will talk about on the phone the next time, and how I’ll waste so much time trying to craft that one single phrase that will just floor you.

Thoughts of how if I could ever put in to words how much I love you, and what you truly mean to me, that this world, my world, would end, and our world would start.

I’m happy, and for better or worse, right now you are the one making me happy. I can only hope that one day I’ll be the one to truly make you happy. You’re so close, very VERY, close to being my everything. The thought of being able to finally give you everything I have, to give you my mind, my body, and my soul, scares me, but in the best possible way one could think to be scared.

Alyson...

...

I really like you

I love that you’re a girl

You’re an 11

I love you

its been awhile. I'm still alive, still working at the theatre, still making money, still playing videogames, and still chasing girls I can't have. Same old me.

I'd forgotten how exhausting good conversation could be.

[mcp]

Current Mood: exhausted

I'm hoping that some how this Fall will be better than last Fall.

Current Mood: hopeful

Its been 4 years, and there have been others in my life, but none that can wash the slate I scribbled on with you clean to start a new.

Current Mood: contemplative

So far my 360 has bricked on me (I got red ringed at midnight) and Front Row won't launch on my MacBook. I've called customer support about my 360 and they are sending me out a box to send in my $400 brick so they can make it work again. I CAN'T call Apple support about Front Row, and I CAN'T trouble shoot it myself as I am running a beta build of OS X Leopard and anything I do basically breaks the computer even more.

So my 360 is dead and my MacBook is a Leper. My iPhone is still wonderful though I am impatiently waiting for the 1.1.1 update thats supposed to be coming, and I bought another ringtone today. That made my day brighter.

Later days

[mcp]

Well I am one step closer to going back to school. I filled out and submitted my FAFSA forms, albeit with the help of my gracious sister. I am also one step closer to losing my head again;-P

Later days

[mcp]

Current Mood: good

Nothing quite like bombing around dirt roads while belting out 70's and 80's rock songs with a good friend... oh and the no handed driving while busting out the air guitars is just awesome!

Later days

[mcp]

Current Mood: amused

It took a couple days, and a couple stupid situations but I got to the bottom of my problem or problems and I feel much better now.

Later days

[mcp]

Current Mood: amused

Not entirely sure who still reads this, but I'm still alive, so if you read this and you've tried to kill me... you've failed.

Its summer, and being that its 2007 that puts in and odd numbered year. Those are the crazy ones for me I'm starting to think. Even years are nice and easy and... fun, and the odd years are crazy, chaotic and well... fun, but in a different way.

In many ways I'm starting to think I'm like an almanac, looking to the past to try and figure out the future. Some people think that history repeats, others don't. I'm not quite sure what I think yet, but as stated above, my even years are the same and my odd years re the same.

I look to my past to figure out what I should do next based off of the situation I'm in in the present to determine where its going to end up in the future. Thats not saying that I can't improvise, improvising is what I do the most in the odd years, so I think I'm pretty could at it. But I'm calculating and borderline manipulative, though I have yet to meet some one that says its in a bad way, but if you think about it, and I have, can you use the word manipulative in a good way to describe yourself? I submit that you can not, but I still do.

~The past is a tricky thing. It gets us to where we are in the present, and we think we should never look back on it. However if we don't recognize our pasts then we really aren't anything in the present, and we become restricted to what we can be in the future.

-Me, believe it or not:-)

Later days

[mcp]

Current Mood: mellow

I have a date friday evening with a girl I've had a crush for a little over a year.

Later days

[MCP]

Current Mood: flirty

first livejournal update from my iphone:-)

Current Mood: chipper

So for no other reason than to just see how many movie posters I have gotten since 2004 I made a list and I will share it with you now.

I have 32 still my possession, they are...

Slither
Charlottes Web (2nd printing)
Final Destination 3
Basic Instinct 2
Home on the Range
Inside Man
Mission Impossible: 3 (x2 Teaser and 1 Final)
War of the Worlds (x2 Teaser)
Hot Fuzz (Final)
28 Weeks Later (Final and Teaser)
Dikes of Hazzard
She's the Man
Stick It
Casino Royale (Final)
Serenity
The Prestige (Final)
Thank You For Smoking (Teaser)
Ocean's 12
Batman Begins (Final #1)
Superman Returns (Final 1st print)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest (Final)
Smoking Aces
Ultraviolet
Good Luck Chuck (Jessica Alba)
Knocked Up (Final U.S. Release)
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Lord of War
King Kong

-----

Posters I've had and given away...

Snakes on a Plane (Teaser)
Charlottes Web (x2 First Printing)
War of the Worlds (x2 Final)
Batman Begins (Finals 2,3, and 4)
Da Vinci Code (Teaser)
X2 (Teaser)
Hitch
Bridge to Terabithia
Happily N'ver After
Get Rich or Die Drying (Front and Back)
The Interpreter
In Good Company
Meet the Fockers

Thats all I can think of right now... I think for some reason there are more but I can't think of them.

Just thought I would share.

Current Mood: calm

NEW MAROON 5!!!

The song is Makes Me Wonder. I like it a lot.

Well I moved out of my Grandmothers basement. I am living with my sister (Nicole) in a 2 bedroom apartment in Heatherwood. I like it a lot. The social part withstanding it reminds me of living in the dorms freshman year and in Laker Village. Makes me happy.

I am happy don't get me wrong, good job, good friends, great TV, great computer. I'm just bored. I think its me just settling into my life even further, and I know it will pass, but for right now I'm just really bored. My Wii isn't exciting anymore, just fun (I bowled a 300 yesterday in Wii sports), my 360 is just sitting there. I need new games for each of them, I get Wii Play in like a week though so thats good.

Coaching hockey is going well, thats about the only time I am not bored, lol. Jason, John, and myself are supposed to start playing Exalted here again real soo. Jason up graded Briggam, and I made Ramsus sister Scarlett. This should be fun since I have a first aig airship. Shes really more of a playable NPC, and thats fine by me, I'm a better supporting role player than a leader, unless its Alaric. Any how that starts soon, so that will be new and exciting, and hopefully different from any other campaign I have been apart of.

Okay, so yea, I'm still alive, still don't have a girlfriend, but thats np big deal (though one would be nice).

Any one wants to come hang out with me in my new place is more than welcome, just give me a call or IM me and I'll pass on the directions.

Later Days

[mcp]

Current Mood: bored

I bought a new computer the other day.

About 3 years ago I bought my first Mac. It was an iBook and I immediately fell in love with it. I never bought it to replace the Windows machine I had at the time, I just wanted a small portable notebbok computer, and I was ready for something new, so I bought the Mac. I named her Edward after Ed from Cowboy BeBop. Why? Cause it was cute, childish, and had a lot of potential. A lot more than I probably ever used. I broke it (software wise) numerous times, and each time I learned more and more.

Last Tuesday was the last day I spent with Edward.

I bought a new computer. I went with another Mac as well, I fell in love with OS X. I bought White MacBook. Her name is Sakaki after my Favorite Azumanga Daioh character. More importantly, like Sakaki, the MacBook is considered "cool" but it wants to be "cute". I'll post a review after some use, but so far, HOT DAMN is she fast.

Later Days

[mcp]

*Sakaki is my user icon for this post if you all were curious

Current Mood: good

I'm trying to fight an emotional relapse. In an effort to get my TiVo hooked to my TV I tore the basement apart looking for a cable splitter, alas I found none, but what I did find that brought my search to a screeching halt was a picture taken of me with Jessica the second weekend we were together, I looked so happy. What the hell happened? I have no idea and I am trying not to relapse and think about it too much. What happened happened and theres nothing I can do about it.

... great picture though.

So I went driving around today, I drove down M-15. For those of you who don't know I spent a couple of years on M-15. Its a stretch of road running from Davison to I-75 (I know it goes farther north, just not for me). I found some places I used to go, places I have been a couple times, and while I could remember going there, and who I was with, and when, I can't remember what I talked about with the people there, I used to think I could, but when I was driving I realized I couldn't, and I also realized there is an ice cream place in Goodrich that I have been to once 4 years ago that I have no idea how to get to. Normally I would have come home and cried and beat the shit out of myself trying to remember, but something was different this time, I coulnd't have cared less. Sure I remember the big things and the big conversations that I have had over the last 7 years, but the little stuff that used to bother me cause I couldn't remember, doesn't. I think this is a good sign that mentally I am ready move forward and to stop trying to stay connected to the past, that my brain is finally cleaning out the closet so I can store new memories.

Okay, so in sheer boredom I went through my PS2 library. Total I have owned 29

Total I have: 24 games

2001:
Zone of the Enders***
Dark Cloud***
Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec**
Tony Hawks Pro Skater 3**
Grand Theft Auto III**
Devil May Cry***
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty***
Final Fantasy X*

2002:
Stuntman**
SOCOM US Navy Seals*
Madden 2003*
Kingdom Hearts**
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City***
Devil May Cry 2*

2003:
Xenosaga Episode 1*
Dark Cloud 2*
NHL 2004***

2004:
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater*

2005:
Gran Turismo 4**
NHL 06***

2006:
NHL 07***
Amplitude***
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07*
Devil May Cry 3*

PS2 games I have misplaced or traded in:

2000:
Madden 2001**
Armored Core 3*

2001
Silent Hill 2*
Shaun Palmers Pro Snowboarder**
NHL 2002***

I've gone ahead and listed them in purchase order. Up until my purchases in 2006 all of them have been on the games release date or with in a week. And thankfully my list makes it easy to show the big time span from 2005 to 2006 I went one year with out purchasing a video game (for my PS2), as you can see from my NHL 06 and 07 purchases. The biggest gap is from my purchase of NHL 2004 to my purchase of Metal Gear Solid 3 some 14 months later.

Yes, I have a Gamecube, maybe you think I bought games for that...

I own 5 games for it

2001:
Smash Brothers**
Pikmin***

2002:
Metroid Prime***

2004:
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles***
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes*

So no, I wasn't buying games for my Cube, in fact I hardly played it. But I find myself playing more and more games lately, I bought Amplitude and love it, I bought DMC 3 and I am LOVING that, and of course Tiger, which I learned is only fun for me when I play against some one, and jason and I are still enjoying NHL 07, and I have my DS that I play at work. Maybe its that I find myself bored like I am now, but I am not playing games right now, or maybe its cause I am going to purchase a new TV and don't just want to stare at its awesomeness, but want content to play on it. I dunno, but I like that I am playing games again.

*Haven't played it longer than a couple of hours

**Played for more than a couple months and or almost finished

***Either beaten or played through more than one (1) season

Current Mood: nostalgic